If you're interested in getting your ex boyfriend back, the first step to take is to calm down about it. Breakups are brutal and it can be hard to calm down after one of them. But this is the time to be poised and self-aware.
Will these depressed feelings that you're having help you get your ex boyfriend back? You have to deal with yourself first, otherwise you'll get nowhere.
Before you can reconnect with him, you need to reconnect with yourself, or you won't get anywhere. Remember the woman that you used to be, when you started dating him, and when he fell for you.
Are you any different now, than you were back then? If so, how? Be truthful with yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. The whole point is to remember who that woman was the first time you two met.
If you're finding it difficult just doing that, then you need some time to regroup and heal. Go see a movie or go out with your friends.
Make sure to do something that helps you relax and escape the negative emotions that you're feeling. When you're relaxed and in control, then you'll be able to begin the process of reconnecting.
You probably feel down in the dumps right now, but don't purposely avoid things that might make you happy. Pamper yourself. Buy a new outfit. Even if you feel crummy, you deserve a little good treatment.
Once you've had time to get an objective point of view on the relationship, you can get to work getting your ex boyfriend back. You want to be a poised, articulate woman when you speak to him again, not an emotional wreck.
Friday, 27 March 2009
How You Move: The Body Language Of Flirting
Unfortunately, a good portion of men don't understand how non verbal flirting, over the verbal part, is a greater part of the whole flirt, and they blow it before they even speak to a woman.
So we need to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Let's take a look at some parts of the equation of flirting here.
Generally, flirting starts with eye contact.
So say you look at a girl, and she looks directly back at you. Wow, that can be uncomfortable huh? That depends entirely on you and how you feel about yourself.
If you feel good about yourself, then this is exhilarating. If that's not the case, it can be really scary.
Let's just say you are comfortable with yourself. The rush happens, and she holds the gaze a bit too long. This generally is a good sign.
If she doesn't meet your gaze, then it probably means she's not interested. Or, it could mean she's very shy or insecure in her surroundings. Many people are intimidated by large clubs. She might be.
Watch her. Is she refusing to make eye contact with others around her? If so it could be one of the issues stated above.
Moving on, let's see what the eye contact says. Does she break eye contact, then look again? That's a good sign, but it doesn't mean rush up to her immediately.
If she smiles, it's a VERY good sign!
Before you rush in and start looking for the signs, take some time to learn this process. Often, we'll have the wrong of it when starting something new, as we have an idea of how these situations work, but don't really know them. Take the time to learn about this.
Sometimes, you'll get a full on stare and smile, but when you arrive, you'll get a cold response. This is NOT your fault, so don't think you did something wrong.
What happened there? I can't say, but I can make an educated guess based on the surroundings. Sometimes women are incorrigible flirts who are actually in a relationship. They just like the thrill of flirting, and their men don't mind. And so on and so forth.
Take a positive position with what you did. That's the key to success throughout the flirting stage.
Once you reach the flirtee, you should initiate the conversation. You know she's at least interested in speaking to you, so don't worry about "blowing it". That will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.
After the introduction, when you start to speak, there is an interaction between you and her that is natural, and is accepted almost universally. Once you begin speaking, eye contact will be broken by the speaker, looking back when it feels natural. Overall, when you are speaking, you'll be looking at her half the time, give or take. Keep it short, as this is bantering, and gaze at her when you are done speaking. That's the cue for her to talk.
At that point, she'll more than likely respond the same way. Now, when she is speaking, glance at her more than you were while talking. This shows you are interested in what she is saying. Make the looks brief, but you should be looking at her about two thirds of the time while she's talking.
This takes practice, but in time, you'll hone down this skill to a sharp edge, and have a whole different outlook on flirting!
So we need to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Let's take a look at some parts of the equation of flirting here.
Generally, flirting starts with eye contact.
So say you look at a girl, and she looks directly back at you. Wow, that can be uncomfortable huh? That depends entirely on you and how you feel about yourself.
If you feel good about yourself, then this is exhilarating. If that's not the case, it can be really scary.
Let's just say you are comfortable with yourself. The rush happens, and she holds the gaze a bit too long. This generally is a good sign.
If she doesn't meet your gaze, then it probably means she's not interested. Or, it could mean she's very shy or insecure in her surroundings. Many people are intimidated by large clubs. She might be.
Watch her. Is she refusing to make eye contact with others around her? If so it could be one of the issues stated above.
Moving on, let's see what the eye contact says. Does she break eye contact, then look again? That's a good sign, but it doesn't mean rush up to her immediately.
If she smiles, it's a VERY good sign!
Before you rush in and start looking for the signs, take some time to learn this process. Often, we'll have the wrong of it when starting something new, as we have an idea of how these situations work, but don't really know them. Take the time to learn about this.
Sometimes, you'll get a full on stare and smile, but when you arrive, you'll get a cold response. This is NOT your fault, so don't think you did something wrong.
What happened there? I can't say, but I can make an educated guess based on the surroundings. Sometimes women are incorrigible flirts who are actually in a relationship. They just like the thrill of flirting, and their men don't mind. And so on and so forth.
Take a positive position with what you did. That's the key to success throughout the flirting stage.
Once you reach the flirtee, you should initiate the conversation. You know she's at least interested in speaking to you, so don't worry about "blowing it". That will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.
After the introduction, when you start to speak, there is an interaction between you and her that is natural, and is accepted almost universally. Once you begin speaking, eye contact will be broken by the speaker, looking back when it feels natural. Overall, when you are speaking, you'll be looking at her half the time, give or take. Keep it short, as this is bantering, and gaze at her when you are done speaking. That's the cue for her to talk.
At that point, she'll more than likely respond the same way. Now, when she is speaking, glance at her more than you were while talking. This shows you are interested in what she is saying. Make the looks brief, but you should be looking at her about two thirds of the time while she's talking.
This takes practice, but in time, you'll hone down this skill to a sharp edge, and have a whole different outlook on flirting!
Traits In A Man That Attract Women
What advice is best for attracting the opposite sex? How would I know for sure that I can believe that this information works? If you want to know how to attract the opposite sex, you might refer to the science of evolution to get the answers.
Let's just put aside for the moment what women say they desire in a man. Instead, we will simply observe the kinds of choices that they actually make. The contrast between what they say they want and their actions reveal a lot.
There are women who say they want a man who listens to them and values their opinions. But then go out with guys that control the conversation. Some women say they would like a sensitive and gentle man. But they'll date a guy who's got a lot of money or has a large muscular physique.
Why all the discrepancies between what they tell us and who they choose? This paradox can be understood if you understand the true nature of attraction and how it was built into us by evolution.
First, understand that attraction isn't something that you can write down as kind of wish list. Women as well as men have little control over the 'chemistry' of attraction. This 'chemistry' is an instinctual drive placed in us by evolution in order to propagate our species.
Men are interested in women that are healthy and fertile. This is the reason why women who are youthful with curves of a certain proportion are considered attractive by most men. Youth and a shapely body are the signs of high fertility. Some guys might say that they're more interested in other qualities, but they're still driven by instinctual urges toward fertile women.
When it comes to the chemistry of sexual attraction, women too are governed by some very basic instincts. Women are naturally drawn to men who can be a good provider for her children. Therefore they are drawn to fit and vigorous men who have a high status. A fit man with high status will be better able to provide for the needs of her children.
Men of high status are the leaders who are confident and take charge. They're the alpha males or the 'real men' that women refer to. That's why big muscles and wealth or power are more attractive than being nice or being a good listener.
When all of humanity where hunter/gatherers, being a good listener or being nice to our women was irrelevant to survival. What truly mattered more than all else was having the vigor and backbone to bring home the bacon. Only these qualities made it possible for a man to be a good provider.
Now it's easy to understand why women aren't drawn to nice guys. Or guys that lack confidence and are unable to take charge. These are not sexy qualities for a man to have.
Today, having big muscles isn't all that necessary if you project strength and vigor in other ways. This can be done by the clothing that you choose to wear, how you carry yourself and your physical fitness. Strength is also conveyed in the way that you behave around people. A wuss is not appealing.
Many would say that the qualities of attraction are superficial. And in a way, that is right. But keep in mind that sexual attraction is also superficial. It's very old, primitive, and very basic in nature. It's a potent force that drives us all and has maintained the propagation of our species.
While women are drawn by the qualities described here, they don't help at building long term relationships. But that's another subject. Before a relationship is possible though, you'll need to know how to attract her first.
Let's just put aside for the moment what women say they desire in a man. Instead, we will simply observe the kinds of choices that they actually make. The contrast between what they say they want and their actions reveal a lot.
There are women who say they want a man who listens to them and values their opinions. But then go out with guys that control the conversation. Some women say they would like a sensitive and gentle man. But they'll date a guy who's got a lot of money or has a large muscular physique.
Why all the discrepancies between what they tell us and who they choose? This paradox can be understood if you understand the true nature of attraction and how it was built into us by evolution.
First, understand that attraction isn't something that you can write down as kind of wish list. Women as well as men have little control over the 'chemistry' of attraction. This 'chemistry' is an instinctual drive placed in us by evolution in order to propagate our species.
Men are interested in women that are healthy and fertile. This is the reason why women who are youthful with curves of a certain proportion are considered attractive by most men. Youth and a shapely body are the signs of high fertility. Some guys might say that they're more interested in other qualities, but they're still driven by instinctual urges toward fertile women.
When it comes to the chemistry of sexual attraction, women too are governed by some very basic instincts. Women are naturally drawn to men who can be a good provider for her children. Therefore they are drawn to fit and vigorous men who have a high status. A fit man with high status will be better able to provide for the needs of her children.
Men of high status are the leaders who are confident and take charge. They're the alpha males or the 'real men' that women refer to. That's why big muscles and wealth or power are more attractive than being nice or being a good listener.
When all of humanity where hunter/gatherers, being a good listener or being nice to our women was irrelevant to survival. What truly mattered more than all else was having the vigor and backbone to bring home the bacon. Only these qualities made it possible for a man to be a good provider.
Now it's easy to understand why women aren't drawn to nice guys. Or guys that lack confidence and are unable to take charge. These are not sexy qualities for a man to have.
Today, having big muscles isn't all that necessary if you project strength and vigor in other ways. This can be done by the clothing that you choose to wear, how you carry yourself and your physical fitness. Strength is also conveyed in the way that you behave around people. A wuss is not appealing.
Many would say that the qualities of attraction are superficial. And in a way, that is right. But keep in mind that sexual attraction is also superficial. It's very old, primitive, and very basic in nature. It's a potent force that drives us all and has maintained the propagation of our species.
While women are drawn by the qualities described here, they don't help at building long term relationships. But that's another subject. Before a relationship is possible though, you'll need to know how to attract her first.
A Romantic Evening is Easy To Plan In Your Home
If you want to show him/her how much you love them or if you are just getting to know someone there is no better place to do that then in your home. But when you look around you may not see the romance lingering in the air. You can make your home look and feel romantic to make your night perfect. Here are a few tips:
You want to start by adding candles everywhere you can set them. Try placing a few candles on the table where you will share your meal. Candles for the table should not be scented otherwise they will distract from the meal. For the rest of your home try placing candles everywhere in the room; fireplace, table, floor. There is no limit to how many candles you can have burning. The soft flicker of a candle can be very relaxing and enjoyable.
You can also use the candles to help decorate your home. Do a quick search on the internet to find the right candles for your home. You will find it hard to choose which ones to purchase for your home. Pick the room that you wish to stay in the most during your romantic evening. Set a theme or color that you want to highlight the most using candles.
Add an area rug in front of your fireplace and let that be your focal point for the evening. You can lay out an area rug of your choice and place candles all around making it a warm romantic evening by the fire on a cold night outdoors.
If you do not have a fireplace in your home you can make the television your focal point. Place an area rug in front of your television and turn the couch to face the television. Sit in the floor with your back to the couch and enjoy a nice romantic movie by candlelight on the area rug.
When it comes to romance, nothing sets the mood like a romantic scent. You can choose a scented candle or incense burner to fragrance your room and turn it into a romantic room. Scents can calm, soothe, inspire, and enhance the feel of a room.
These few tips are sure to help you make your home much more conducive to a romantic evening with a special someone. They do not require much effort nor will they take up too much time. However, the impact they can have is tremendous and as you are likely to soon find out; they are so worth it.
You want to start by adding candles everywhere you can set them. Try placing a few candles on the table where you will share your meal. Candles for the table should not be scented otherwise they will distract from the meal. For the rest of your home try placing candles everywhere in the room; fireplace, table, floor. There is no limit to how many candles you can have burning. The soft flicker of a candle can be very relaxing and enjoyable.
You can also use the candles to help decorate your home. Do a quick search on the internet to find the right candles for your home. You will find it hard to choose which ones to purchase for your home. Pick the room that you wish to stay in the most during your romantic evening. Set a theme or color that you want to highlight the most using candles.
Add an area rug in front of your fireplace and let that be your focal point for the evening. You can lay out an area rug of your choice and place candles all around making it a warm romantic evening by the fire on a cold night outdoors.
If you do not have a fireplace in your home you can make the television your focal point. Place an area rug in front of your television and turn the couch to face the television. Sit in the floor with your back to the couch and enjoy a nice romantic movie by candlelight on the area rug.
When it comes to romance, nothing sets the mood like a romantic scent. You can choose a scented candle or incense burner to fragrance your room and turn it into a romantic room. Scents can calm, soothe, inspire, and enhance the feel of a room.
These few tips are sure to help you make your home much more conducive to a romantic evening with a special someone. They do not require much effort nor will they take up too much time. However, the impact they can have is tremendous and as you are likely to soon find out; they are so worth it.
Monday, 16 March 2009
13 First-date Keys Tactics that will leave her glowing at the end of the night
Throughout the years, men have always asked me, "How do I make that first date as perfect as she expects it to be?"
I've come up with a checklist of some of my favorite first-date tactics that will leave her glowing at the end of the night. In fact, these are so good, she'll be texting or calling you within the next 24 hours expecting more of the same!
- It's OK to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. She dreads a potentially boring, four-course ordeal, too!
- Always call her by early evening on Tuesday to confirm a Wednesday get-together -- it's the polite thing to do and it lets her know you're already thinking about her.
- Be sure to leave both your home and work phone numbers. If you don't leave your home number, she might assume you have a wife or girlfriend. If you don't leave any number, she'll wonder what game you're playing.
- If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue her in as to what to wear. You do not want an overdressed, overstressed woman navigating in high heels on a sunset beach walk.
- Always listen to what she has to say, and make sure you wait until she's done talking before responding.
- Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty she looks -- she wants to hear it from you. Don't go overboard, though, or she might think you're insincere.
- Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. White teeth, fresh breath, great shoes, cell phone turned off, and unchapped lips make her more apt to lock lips with you that night.
- Do not ask her, "So, what kind of music do you like?" The last 10 guys asked that. Be original and instead fill your iPod with a great mix of music that expresses your style.
- Tip well. Believe me, she'll be watching.
- Reading body language is simple: If she touches your arm, she's interested. If she touches your leg, she's interested tonight. If she leans away from you the whole night, she is not interested at all.
- Very small gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman. When you drop her off at her house, be sure to wait the extra 30 seconds while she gets inside (and next time you might be going in with her!).
- Women need momentum. Without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have lost it, too. Follow up with a phone call the next night. Even more important, ask her out at the end of the date. Don't play games or wait.
- Never look at another woman when you are on a date. If she catches your wandering eye, you are done.
How to Attract Better Guys
This past year, gorgeous actress Anne Hathaway's relationship with Rafaello Follieri famously crashed and burned when he was exposed as a con man. In fairness to Anne, it's not always easy to tell whether a dude's truly charming and sweet or putting on an act. "Guys who have little integrity or may not be a good boyfriend long-term tend to be slick and evasive," says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Love in 90 Days." The following info will help you clue in better to lame guys, and lure in the good ones.
Dating Skill #1: Spotting a Wolf in Sheep's ClothingIf you've ever been duped by a less-than-stellar guy (as in, a perpetual mooch, a cheater, a liar) it's not necessarily that you're naive. It's that many times, we're attracted to the traits that cover up who the guy really is, according to Jessica Cassaday, PhD, and Ryan Browning Cassaday, co-authors of "Stop Wondering if You'll Ever Meet Him." For example, he's super romantic right away. "Yeah, it's nice for you, but it's a sign that he's over-compensating," they say. "Men who claim they fell in love with you at first sight or pour on the charm immediately are often trying too hard to win you over, hiding the fact that they have no real potential to develop a relationship naturally."
Some other red flags to look for early in the relationship: He gets very cozy on the first date, becoming inappropriately touchy-feely; he's refreshingly talkative, but you realize he actually commands most of the conversation, rarely asking you questions about yourself; or he "futures" you on date one or two, using a sweet phrase like "someday we should drive to the mountains to see the snow" (this indicates lack of authenticity or a desire to sell something).
Dating Skill #2: Reeling in the Good OnesIt's important to ask yourself whether you're unconsciously sending out signals that losers are picking up on. If so, you may need to change your frequency. For instance, most jerks will go after women who they suspect have low confidence and can be easily swayed. To entice motivated, kind, and faithful single men, psych yourself up with positive self-talk before going out. "Research says that if you tell yourself you look alluring in a dress or are having an amazing hair night, you'll have less anxiety and better self-esteem, which will in turn attract confident men who like strong women," Kirschner says.
In terms of location, there isn't one guaranteed place to stake out a good catch. But as cliche as it sounds, philanthropic events tend to attract honest, reliable, and commitment-ready types, according to experts. Or, hang out with your network of friends, family, and coworkers (instead of hoping to meet a random stranger at a bar) because that's how you're likely to connect with good guys who you'll gel with, Kirschner says.
One sign that a guy's a good catch? If he mentions he's close with his family. That means he's more apt to be a stable, loving person who wants to make a commitment, Kirschner says. Another trick to use once you've gone out a few times: Check out his apartment. If he's all about multiple flat screens and toys like video games and a pool table, he could be a player.
Fatal Online Dating Errors That Single Women Make
Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write her profile.
Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.
I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.
So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.
Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:
1. Stop posting four different photos from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.
2. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.
3. List your exact body type. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim."
“He will find out what you look like!”
He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.
4. List your real age. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.
5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.
6. Keep your profile short and to the point. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section.
“All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.”
All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.
7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.
8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.
9. No baby talk! Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.
10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.
11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.
12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.
13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in.
“Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted.”
Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!
14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!
I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!
What are men's fatal online dating errors? See them here
Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.
I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.
So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.
Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:
1. Stop posting four different photos from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.
2. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.
3. List your exact body type. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim."
“He will find out what you look like!”
He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.
4. List your real age. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.
5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.
6. Keep your profile short and to the point. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section.
“All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.”
All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.
7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.
8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.
9. No baby talk! Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.
10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.
11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.
12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.
13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in.
“Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted.”
Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!
14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!
I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!
What are men's fatal online dating errors? See them here
Fatal Online Dating Errors That Men Make
Some men have absolutely NO sense of etiquette when they're trying to contact women online. During all my years of coaching, women have told me some amazing things men have written to them in emails.
Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude.
Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do.
Top 10 email turnoffs for women
1. Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this.
2. Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient.
“Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.”
Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.
3. Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals. How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out.
4. Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact.
5. Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond.
6. If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going.
7. When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?"
“Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures”
Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this!
8. Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude.
9. Do not email-stalk her. Many of my clients who are single women have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you.
10. Don't send cut-and-paste emails. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!
What are women's fatal online dating errors? See them here
Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude.
Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do.
Top 10 email turnoffs for women
1. Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this.
2. Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient.
“Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.”
Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.
3. Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals. How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out.
4. Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact.
5. Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond.
6. If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going.
7. When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?"
“Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures”
Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this!
8. Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude.
9. Do not email-stalk her. Many of my clients who are single women have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you.
10. Don't send cut-and-paste emails. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!
What are women's fatal online dating errors? See them here
Behaviors in Dating That Scare Single Men Away
You're dating a guy, and it's the crucial first few weeks. You really like this guy, and you're wondering what you can do (or avoid doing) to keep this relationship going and not scare him away.
The truth is there are certain things that women can do that will scare men away. Don't sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have gone somewhere by scaring a man off right at the beginning.
Here are six dating behaviors guaranteed to scare men away:
1. Trash-talking your ex. Don't talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you're dating. I don't care if you're on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don't ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don't talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you're going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, "We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot." That's it.
2. Paranoia runs rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. Then, that first boys' night out happens. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, "Have a great time tonight!" As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he's doing, and you start to think "Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?" So then, you lob another text in to him asking "What's going on? What are you doing right now?" Even though he tells you he's just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:
“You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away.”
You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he's out with his friends, respect his "guy time" -- it will make you the cool woman he's always wanted to find.
3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they're dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, "Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can't believe she is going around in public like that!" What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you're dating is telling him that you're not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don't love who you are and haven't embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don't trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.
4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you're dating looks at you and says, "You really look beautiful tonight!" Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, "How do I look tonight?" Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don't give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.
5. Clingy and possessive. You don't need to do everything together. You're still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don't interest you, be cool with it. You don't have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a cocktail party together, you don't have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start grabbing his hand and giving him a big hug -- and certainly don't do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.
6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, "You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they're such a great couple, and you'll love them!" A man hears this and thinks, "I don't even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as 'the boyfriend?'" We don't want to be "the boyfriend" right away. It's too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you're all about. Believe me, once we get to know you -- and like you -- we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.
Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don't scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!
The truth is there are certain things that women can do that will scare men away. Don't sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have gone somewhere by scaring a man off right at the beginning.
Here are six dating behaviors guaranteed to scare men away:
1. Trash-talking your ex. Don't talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you're dating. I don't care if you're on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don't ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don't talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you're going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, "We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot." That's it.
2. Paranoia runs rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. Then, that first boys' night out happens. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, "Have a great time tonight!" As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he's doing, and you start to think "Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?" So then, you lob another text in to him asking "What's going on? What are you doing right now?" Even though he tells you he's just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:
“You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away.”
You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he's out with his friends, respect his "guy time" -- it will make you the cool woman he's always wanted to find.
3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they're dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, "Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can't believe she is going around in public like that!" What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you're dating is telling him that you're not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don't love who you are and haven't embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don't trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.
4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you're dating looks at you and says, "You really look beautiful tonight!" Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, "How do I look tonight?" Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don't give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.
5. Clingy and possessive. You don't need to do everything together. You're still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don't interest you, be cool with it. You don't have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a cocktail party together, you don't have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start grabbing his hand and giving him a big hug -- and certainly don't do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.
6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, "You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they're such a great couple, and you'll love them!" A man hears this and thinks, "I don't even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as 'the boyfriend?'" We don't want to be "the boyfriend" right away. It's too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you're all about. Believe me, once we get to know you -- and like you -- we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.
Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don't scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!
Link Between Scent and Seduction
Research suggests that perfume not only makes you feel more attractive, but it can also act as a carnal catalyst. The more you know about scents, the better you can harness their power...
Your perfume pick can make him feel special.
"If you wear a fragrance you know he likes, it demonstrates that you're paying attention to his tastes and making an effort to please him," says Christopher Brosius, perfumer and founder of CB Limited in New York City. The easiest way to find a perfume he likes: Take him shopping with you. If you can't get him to a perfume counter, rip out a whole bunch of scent strips from a magazine and make him smell them one after the other to see which one he likes best. Give him a cup full of coffee grounds to sniff between whiffs to cleanse his olfactory system. Showing you care about his opinion will stroke his ego, and wearing a perfume he loves ensures he'll always want to nuzzle your neck.
His scent can help you decode his personality.
The cologne a guy wears sends a signal about what he's like and how he wants to be perceived by others, so pay attention to it to gain insight into his passions and deepen your connection with him. Psychologist and sociologist Joachim Mensing, PhD, identifies six male personality types and their preferred fragrances. Men who are uncomplicated and enterprising tend to go for fresh citrus, zesty, and herbaceous scents. Reflective loner types prefer warm, spicy, mysterious, Oriental notes. The supersocial spontaneous male likes light, cool, and invigorating scents; while a more reserved and sophisticated man is into warm, natural, woody fragrances. The suave metrosexual types gravitate toward colognes with leather and tobacco in them. Likewise, rugged noncomformist guys like leathery scents too but with a cooler edge.
His fragrance can make you feel first-kiss butterflies even after months of dating.
"Fragrance memories are a wonderful way of building bonds," says psychologist Carol Christensen, PhD, director of sensory and consumer science at International Flavors and Fragrances, Inc., in New York City. "Smelling a scent or elements of one that your boyfriend sported when you first met can flood your mind with memories and make you feel the same delirious way you did back then." If your guy doesn't wear cologne, help him pick one out to start making those memories now. A sure-to- be-sexy suggestion is musk. According to Christensen, women all over the world universally find it to be especially sensual. Some musky colognes we like: Burberry Brit for Men, $62; Jovan Heat Man Fired Up, $8; Spirit by Antonio Banderas, $30, and Kenneth Cole Reaction, $49. But if you're not a fan of musk, try Lauder Beyond Paradise Men, $39, a musk-free scent that's still ultraseductive.
Your scent can stir up your inner sexpot.
Research shows that fragrance can actually make a woman feel more confident and feminine. In a survey of 113 women, psychologist Rachel S. Herz, PhD, found that 90 percent of respondents in their 20s reported that fragrance made them feel more confident. Eighty-three percent of all respondents claimed fragrance made them feel more appealing to others, and a whopping 92 percent said it made them feel more feminine. Perfumer Sarah Horowitz-Thran of Creative Scentualization, a fragrance house in Los Angeles that specializes in custom creations, recommends you carefully select a scent you like instead of choosing something that's currently trendy or a friend's favorite. "Your best fragrance is one that makes you feel good about yourself," she says.
Certain aromas can help him recognize how hot you are.
One whiff of a woman's perfume (any feminine scent) can grab a guy's attention and raise his interest in her. And floral odors — especially rose, lily of the valley, and gardenia — lead men to remember events in an especially positive light, according to a study by the Human Emotions Lab at Rutgers University in Piscataway, New Jersey. So if you wear a scent with one or more of these flowery notes on a date, chances are good that the night will linger in your guy's mind, making him eager to see you again as soon as possible. For nights when you want to be seriously seductive, wear yummy-sweet notes like pumpkin and vanilla. They actually can increase the blood flow to his sexual organs and boost his libido.
Four Things Never to Utter Around Him
Here's a dating mystery we're dying to crack: Why is it that even when we guys open up and clue a girl in to our thoughts and experiences, you ladies insist on pushing for more and more intimate info? It's hard for us to relate to your wanting to know everything about us, because even the most love-bitten man doesn't feel the need to be in on every detail about his girl. In fact, certain topics are actually major turnoffs and produce the same skin-crawling effect as hearing fingernails raked across a blackboard. So unless you want your man to secretly wish you came with a mute button, save the following taboo topics for your girlfriends, your mom or your therapist... just not your guy.
Turnoff #1: The Lowdown on Celeb Dirt"Whenever my girlfriend gets control of the remote, she switches to a gossip channel and goes on about how lucky Cameron Diaz is or how Drew Barrymore lost 10 pounds. Geez, get a freaking life!" -- Paul, 27
"My ex-girlfriend was obsessed with Brad Pitt. She knew more about his life than Angelina Jolie does. Whenever he had a movie coming out, I never heard the end of it. I felt like I was dating a stalker, not to mention the fact that it didn't do wonders for my ego. Brad isn't exactly the worst-looking guy in the world." -- Donald, 26
"I met this really gorgeous British woman at a bookstore, so I invited her to have coffee with me. When I got back to the table with our drinks, she was sitting there with a pile of foreign gossip rags in front of her. Before I knew what hit me, she was talking my ear off about Prince Charles and a bunch of other royals I didn't know and couldn't care less about. I was absolutely bored out of my mind. Well, so much for the theory that smart women hang out in bookstores." -- Andrew, 25
Turnoff #2: Your Ex Files"I took my old girlfriend to a cute bed-and-breakfast for the weekend, and all she could talk about was how her previous boyfriend had taken her to Paris for a long weekend. Whatever happened to thank you? No wonder we both dumped her." -- Ben, 28
"My girlfriend and I were having brunch one Sunday when we ran into her ex-boyfriend. After he left, she started telling me all about some cross-country trip they took when they were in college. I know there's nothing going on between them, but that doesn't mean I want to hear about the good old days. She should save the reminiscing for her girlfriends." -- Lewis, 27
"My girl asked me to help her put together some do-it-yourself furniture that she'd bought, and I was a total disaster. That's when she went on and on about how good her ex was with tools. The story I enjoyed most was about how he built her a special magazine rack... which, of course, she still has. Now every time I see that thing, I want to break it. I admitted I am no good at this kind of fix-it stuff, so I don't know why she felt the need to rub it in by telling me her ex was the second coming of Bob Vila." -- Ray, 30
Turnoff #3: Your Bad Body Image and Food Issues"First it was the grapefruit diet. Then it was Jenny Craig. Now it's the Fatkins thing. My girlfriend tries a new diet about once a month, and she explains how she's convinced that this is the one that's going to help her lose weight. I always remind her that the reason I asked her out in the first place is because I think she's beautiful. I wouldn't be attracted to her if she looked like a string bean." -- Derek, 29
"I can never do anything spontaneous with my girl because she won't leave the house unless she looks perfect. It takes longer for her to get ready for dinner than it does for us to actually go out and eat it. First she asks if I like her outfit. Next she asks how her makeup looks. Then she drops the fun-crusher on me: 'Do I look fat?' I get so aggravated. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't want it. By the time she's ready to leave, the evening is already ruined because I'm in such a pissed-off mood." -- Andy, 33
Turnoff #4: Other People's Relationships"My old girlfriend would gush about how romantic it was that her roommate's boyfriend got down on one knee when he proposed to her. Then she'd tell me every freakin' detail about the wedding plans, from the dress to the cake to the invitations. I didn't really know these people, and I hate hearing about mushy stuff anyway, especially if it has nothing to do with me. I just tuned it all out." -- Steve, 36
"My girlfriend never stops talking about how great her sister's life is. I'm so tired of hearing about her perfect brother-in-law and her two adorable nephews. It's so obvious that she's using the conversation as a steppingstone to talk about when we're going to get married." -- Rob, 36
"My girlfriend loves telling me about how her best friend treats her boyfriend like a pile of garbage, flirting with other guys when he isn't around and spending hours on her laptop to email her exes. I don't want to know the nitty-gritty, because then I feel awkward when I'm around him. Besides, it makes me wonder if my girl is bad-mouthing me behind my back." -- Will, 25
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
Top 10 Relationship Tips
Beginning a relationship is generally the easy part; it's maintaining the connection that gets a little tricky. That's why a growing number of twosomes (whether or not they've tied the knot) are going into couples therapy as a preemptive strike against the tough times that will inevitably hit... and to learn how to keep the good times flowing. To give you a leg up in your love life, we asked the country's top relationship experts to share the most crucial things they've uncovered over the years -- from big-picture philosophies to little gestures that go a long way. These practices will help keep your union in a happy, healthy place.
1. Act Out of Character. Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type -- in a positive way -- you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, more friendly tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time. -- Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia
2. Get in Touch a Lot. No doubt you hug and kiss each other. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV and taking his hand when you're walking down the street are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. -- Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples"
3. Take Turns Talking. To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement -- and get your points across -- alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks. -- Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Opening Love's Door"
4. Find the Intersection. When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun... how about Miami? -- Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love"
5. Be More Positive Than Negative. There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time." -- Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD
6. Echo Each Other. When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood. -- Yvonne Thomas
7. Take a Time-Out. Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room. -- Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection
8. Have His Back. You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side... and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what. -- New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD
9. Spend a Little Money on Each Other. You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun -- and meaningful -- when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get -- and think about -- each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color. -- Barton Goldsmith
10. Be a Good Date. Face it, no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook -- if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box -- dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat. -- Jennifer Oikle
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Adult / Sex / Singles Dating Sites
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