If you're interested in getting your ex boyfriend back, the first step to take is to calm down about it. Breakups are brutal and it can be hard to calm down after one of them. But this is the time to be poised and self-aware.
Will these depressed feelings that you're having help you get your ex boyfriend back? You have to deal with yourself first, otherwise you'll get nowhere.
Before you can reconnect with him, you need to reconnect with yourself, or you won't get anywhere. Remember the woman that you used to be, when you started dating him, and when he fell for you.
Are you any different now, than you were back then? If so, how? Be truthful with yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. The whole point is to remember who that woman was the first time you two met.
If you're finding it difficult just doing that, then you need some time to regroup and heal. Go see a movie or go out with your friends.
Make sure to do something that helps you relax and escape the negative emotions that you're feeling. When you're relaxed and in control, then you'll be able to begin the process of reconnecting.
You probably feel down in the dumps right now, but don't purposely avoid things that might make you happy. Pamper yourself. Buy a new outfit. Even if you feel crummy, you deserve a little good treatment.
Once you've had time to get an objective point of view on the relationship, you can get to work getting your ex boyfriend back. You want to be a poised, articulate woman when you speak to him again, not an emotional wreck.
Friday, 27 March 2009
How You Move: The Body Language Of Flirting
Unfortunately, a good portion of men don't understand how non verbal flirting, over the verbal part, is a greater part of the whole flirt, and they blow it before they even speak to a woman.
So we need to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Let's take a look at some parts of the equation of flirting here.
Generally, flirting starts with eye contact.
So say you look at a girl, and she looks directly back at you. Wow, that can be uncomfortable huh? That depends entirely on you and how you feel about yourself.
If you feel good about yourself, then this is exhilarating. If that's not the case, it can be really scary.
Let's just say you are comfortable with yourself. The rush happens, and she holds the gaze a bit too long. This generally is a good sign.
If she doesn't meet your gaze, then it probably means she's not interested. Or, it could mean she's very shy or insecure in her surroundings. Many people are intimidated by large clubs. She might be.
Watch her. Is she refusing to make eye contact with others around her? If so it could be one of the issues stated above.
Moving on, let's see what the eye contact says. Does she break eye contact, then look again? That's a good sign, but it doesn't mean rush up to her immediately.
If she smiles, it's a VERY good sign!
Before you rush in and start looking for the signs, take some time to learn this process. Often, we'll have the wrong of it when starting something new, as we have an idea of how these situations work, but don't really know them. Take the time to learn about this.
Sometimes, you'll get a full on stare and smile, but when you arrive, you'll get a cold response. This is NOT your fault, so don't think you did something wrong.
What happened there? I can't say, but I can make an educated guess based on the surroundings. Sometimes women are incorrigible flirts who are actually in a relationship. They just like the thrill of flirting, and their men don't mind. And so on and so forth.
Take a positive position with what you did. That's the key to success throughout the flirting stage.
Once you reach the flirtee, you should initiate the conversation. You know she's at least interested in speaking to you, so don't worry about "blowing it". That will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.
After the introduction, when you start to speak, there is an interaction between you and her that is natural, and is accepted almost universally. Once you begin speaking, eye contact will be broken by the speaker, looking back when it feels natural. Overall, when you are speaking, you'll be looking at her half the time, give or take. Keep it short, as this is bantering, and gaze at her when you are done speaking. That's the cue for her to talk.
At that point, she'll more than likely respond the same way. Now, when she is speaking, glance at her more than you were while talking. This shows you are interested in what she is saying. Make the looks brief, but you should be looking at her about two thirds of the time while she's talking.
This takes practice, but in time, you'll hone down this skill to a sharp edge, and have a whole different outlook on flirting!
So we need to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Let's take a look at some parts of the equation of flirting here.
Generally, flirting starts with eye contact.
So say you look at a girl, and she looks directly back at you. Wow, that can be uncomfortable huh? That depends entirely on you and how you feel about yourself.
If you feel good about yourself, then this is exhilarating. If that's not the case, it can be really scary.
Let's just say you are comfortable with yourself. The rush happens, and she holds the gaze a bit too long. This generally is a good sign.
If she doesn't meet your gaze, then it probably means she's not interested. Or, it could mean she's very shy or insecure in her surroundings. Many people are intimidated by large clubs. She might be.
Watch her. Is she refusing to make eye contact with others around her? If so it could be one of the issues stated above.
Moving on, let's see what the eye contact says. Does she break eye contact, then look again? That's a good sign, but it doesn't mean rush up to her immediately.
If she smiles, it's a VERY good sign!
Before you rush in and start looking for the signs, take some time to learn this process. Often, we'll have the wrong of it when starting something new, as we have an idea of how these situations work, but don't really know them. Take the time to learn about this.
Sometimes, you'll get a full on stare and smile, but when you arrive, you'll get a cold response. This is NOT your fault, so don't think you did something wrong.
What happened there? I can't say, but I can make an educated guess based on the surroundings. Sometimes women are incorrigible flirts who are actually in a relationship. They just like the thrill of flirting, and their men don't mind. And so on and so forth.
Take a positive position with what you did. That's the key to success throughout the flirting stage.
Once you reach the flirtee, you should initiate the conversation. You know she's at least interested in speaking to you, so don't worry about "blowing it". That will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.
After the introduction, when you start to speak, there is an interaction between you and her that is natural, and is accepted almost universally. Once you begin speaking, eye contact will be broken by the speaker, looking back when it feels natural. Overall, when you are speaking, you'll be looking at her half the time, give or take. Keep it short, as this is bantering, and gaze at her when you are done speaking. That's the cue for her to talk.
At that point, she'll more than likely respond the same way. Now, when she is speaking, glance at her more than you were while talking. This shows you are interested in what she is saying. Make the looks brief, but you should be looking at her about two thirds of the time while she's talking.
This takes practice, but in time, you'll hone down this skill to a sharp edge, and have a whole different outlook on flirting!
Traits In A Man That Attract Women
What advice is best for attracting the opposite sex? How would I know for sure that I can believe that this information works? If you want to know how to attract the opposite sex, you might refer to the science of evolution to get the answers.
Let's just put aside for the moment what women say they desire in a man. Instead, we will simply observe the kinds of choices that they actually make. The contrast between what they say they want and their actions reveal a lot.
There are women who say they want a man who listens to them and values their opinions. But then go out with guys that control the conversation. Some women say they would like a sensitive and gentle man. But they'll date a guy who's got a lot of money or has a large muscular physique.
Why all the discrepancies between what they tell us and who they choose? This paradox can be understood if you understand the true nature of attraction and how it was built into us by evolution.
First, understand that attraction isn't something that you can write down as kind of wish list. Women as well as men have little control over the 'chemistry' of attraction. This 'chemistry' is an instinctual drive placed in us by evolution in order to propagate our species.
Men are interested in women that are healthy and fertile. This is the reason why women who are youthful with curves of a certain proportion are considered attractive by most men. Youth and a shapely body are the signs of high fertility. Some guys might say that they're more interested in other qualities, but they're still driven by instinctual urges toward fertile women.
When it comes to the chemistry of sexual attraction, women too are governed by some very basic instincts. Women are naturally drawn to men who can be a good provider for her children. Therefore they are drawn to fit and vigorous men who have a high status. A fit man with high status will be better able to provide for the needs of her children.
Men of high status are the leaders who are confident and take charge. They're the alpha males or the 'real men' that women refer to. That's why big muscles and wealth or power are more attractive than being nice or being a good listener.
When all of humanity where hunter/gatherers, being a good listener or being nice to our women was irrelevant to survival. What truly mattered more than all else was having the vigor and backbone to bring home the bacon. Only these qualities made it possible for a man to be a good provider.
Now it's easy to understand why women aren't drawn to nice guys. Or guys that lack confidence and are unable to take charge. These are not sexy qualities for a man to have.
Today, having big muscles isn't all that necessary if you project strength and vigor in other ways. This can be done by the clothing that you choose to wear, how you carry yourself and your physical fitness. Strength is also conveyed in the way that you behave around people. A wuss is not appealing.
Many would say that the qualities of attraction are superficial. And in a way, that is right. But keep in mind that sexual attraction is also superficial. It's very old, primitive, and very basic in nature. It's a potent force that drives us all and has maintained the propagation of our species.
While women are drawn by the qualities described here, they don't help at building long term relationships. But that's another subject. Before a relationship is possible though, you'll need to know how to attract her first.
Let's just put aside for the moment what women say they desire in a man. Instead, we will simply observe the kinds of choices that they actually make. The contrast between what they say they want and their actions reveal a lot.
There are women who say they want a man who listens to them and values their opinions. But then go out with guys that control the conversation. Some women say they would like a sensitive and gentle man. But they'll date a guy who's got a lot of money or has a large muscular physique.
Why all the discrepancies between what they tell us and who they choose? This paradox can be understood if you understand the true nature of attraction and how it was built into us by evolution.
First, understand that attraction isn't something that you can write down as kind of wish list. Women as well as men have little control over the 'chemistry' of attraction. This 'chemistry' is an instinctual drive placed in us by evolution in order to propagate our species.
Men are interested in women that are healthy and fertile. This is the reason why women who are youthful with curves of a certain proportion are considered attractive by most men. Youth and a shapely body are the signs of high fertility. Some guys might say that they're more interested in other qualities, but they're still driven by instinctual urges toward fertile women.
When it comes to the chemistry of sexual attraction, women too are governed by some very basic instincts. Women are naturally drawn to men who can be a good provider for her children. Therefore they are drawn to fit and vigorous men who have a high status. A fit man with high status will be better able to provide for the needs of her children.
Men of high status are the leaders who are confident and take charge. They're the alpha males or the 'real men' that women refer to. That's why big muscles and wealth or power are more attractive than being nice or being a good listener.
When all of humanity where hunter/gatherers, being a good listener or being nice to our women was irrelevant to survival. What truly mattered more than all else was having the vigor and backbone to bring home the bacon. Only these qualities made it possible for a man to be a good provider.
Now it's easy to understand why women aren't drawn to nice guys. Or guys that lack confidence and are unable to take charge. These are not sexy qualities for a man to have.
Today, having big muscles isn't all that necessary if you project strength and vigor in other ways. This can be done by the clothing that you choose to wear, how you carry yourself and your physical fitness. Strength is also conveyed in the way that you behave around people. A wuss is not appealing.
Many would say that the qualities of attraction are superficial. And in a way, that is right. But keep in mind that sexual attraction is also superficial. It's very old, primitive, and very basic in nature. It's a potent force that drives us all and has maintained the propagation of our species.
While women are drawn by the qualities described here, they don't help at building long term relationships. But that's another subject. Before a relationship is possible though, you'll need to know how to attract her first.
A Romantic Evening is Easy To Plan In Your Home
If you want to show him/her how much you love them or if you are just getting to know someone there is no better place to do that then in your home. But when you look around you may not see the romance lingering in the air. You can make your home look and feel romantic to make your night perfect. Here are a few tips:
You want to start by adding candles everywhere you can set them. Try placing a few candles on the table where you will share your meal. Candles for the table should not be scented otherwise they will distract from the meal. For the rest of your home try placing candles everywhere in the room; fireplace, table, floor. There is no limit to how many candles you can have burning. The soft flicker of a candle can be very relaxing and enjoyable.
You can also use the candles to help decorate your home. Do a quick search on the internet to find the right candles for your home. You will find it hard to choose which ones to purchase for your home. Pick the room that you wish to stay in the most during your romantic evening. Set a theme or color that you want to highlight the most using candles.
Add an area rug in front of your fireplace and let that be your focal point for the evening. You can lay out an area rug of your choice and place candles all around making it a warm romantic evening by the fire on a cold night outdoors.
If you do not have a fireplace in your home you can make the television your focal point. Place an area rug in front of your television and turn the couch to face the television. Sit in the floor with your back to the couch and enjoy a nice romantic movie by candlelight on the area rug.
When it comes to romance, nothing sets the mood like a romantic scent. You can choose a scented candle or incense burner to fragrance your room and turn it into a romantic room. Scents can calm, soothe, inspire, and enhance the feel of a room.
These few tips are sure to help you make your home much more conducive to a romantic evening with a special someone. They do not require much effort nor will they take up too much time. However, the impact they can have is tremendous and as you are likely to soon find out; they are so worth it.
You want to start by adding candles everywhere you can set them. Try placing a few candles on the table where you will share your meal. Candles for the table should not be scented otherwise they will distract from the meal. For the rest of your home try placing candles everywhere in the room; fireplace, table, floor. There is no limit to how many candles you can have burning. The soft flicker of a candle can be very relaxing and enjoyable.
You can also use the candles to help decorate your home. Do a quick search on the internet to find the right candles for your home. You will find it hard to choose which ones to purchase for your home. Pick the room that you wish to stay in the most during your romantic evening. Set a theme or color that you want to highlight the most using candles.
Add an area rug in front of your fireplace and let that be your focal point for the evening. You can lay out an area rug of your choice and place candles all around making it a warm romantic evening by the fire on a cold night outdoors.
If you do not have a fireplace in your home you can make the television your focal point. Place an area rug in front of your television and turn the couch to face the television. Sit in the floor with your back to the couch and enjoy a nice romantic movie by candlelight on the area rug.
When it comes to romance, nothing sets the mood like a romantic scent. You can choose a scented candle or incense burner to fragrance your room and turn it into a romantic room. Scents can calm, soothe, inspire, and enhance the feel of a room.
These few tips are sure to help you make your home much more conducive to a romantic evening with a special someone. They do not require much effort nor will they take up too much time. However, the impact they can have is tremendous and as you are likely to soon find out; they are so worth it.
Monday, 16 March 2009
13 First-date Keys Tactics that will leave her glowing at the end of the night
Throughout the years, men have always asked me, "How do I make that first date as perfect as she expects it to be?"
I've come up with a checklist of some of my favorite first-date tactics that will leave her glowing at the end of the night. In fact, these are so good, she'll be texting or calling you within the next 24 hours expecting more of the same!
- It's OK to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. She dreads a potentially boring, four-course ordeal, too!
- Always call her by early evening on Tuesday to confirm a Wednesday get-together -- it's the polite thing to do and it lets her know you're already thinking about her.
- Be sure to leave both your home and work phone numbers. If you don't leave your home number, she might assume you have a wife or girlfriend. If you don't leave any number, she'll wonder what game you're playing.
- If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue her in as to what to wear. You do not want an overdressed, overstressed woman navigating in high heels on a sunset beach walk.
- Always listen to what she has to say, and make sure you wait until she's done talking before responding.
- Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty she looks -- she wants to hear it from you. Don't go overboard, though, or she might think you're insincere.
- Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. White teeth, fresh breath, great shoes, cell phone turned off, and unchapped lips make her more apt to lock lips with you that night.
- Do not ask her, "So, what kind of music do you like?" The last 10 guys asked that. Be original and instead fill your iPod with a great mix of music that expresses your style.
- Tip well. Believe me, she'll be watching.
- Reading body language is simple: If she touches your arm, she's interested. If she touches your leg, she's interested tonight. If she leans away from you the whole night, she is not interested at all.
- Very small gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman. When you drop her off at her house, be sure to wait the extra 30 seconds while she gets inside (and next time you might be going in with her!).
- Women need momentum. Without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have lost it, too. Follow up with a phone call the next night. Even more important, ask her out at the end of the date. Don't play games or wait.
- Never look at another woman when you are on a date. If she catches your wandering eye, you are done.
How to Attract Better Guys
This past year, gorgeous actress Anne Hathaway's relationship with Rafaello Follieri famously crashed and burned when he was exposed as a con man. In fairness to Anne, it's not always easy to tell whether a dude's truly charming and sweet or putting on an act. "Guys who have little integrity or may not be a good boyfriend long-term tend to be slick and evasive," says Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Love in 90 Days." The following info will help you clue in better to lame guys, and lure in the good ones.
Dating Skill #1: Spotting a Wolf in Sheep's ClothingIf you've ever been duped by a less-than-stellar guy (as in, a perpetual mooch, a cheater, a liar) it's not necessarily that you're naive. It's that many times, we're attracted to the traits that cover up who the guy really is, according to Jessica Cassaday, PhD, and Ryan Browning Cassaday, co-authors of "Stop Wondering if You'll Ever Meet Him." For example, he's super romantic right away. "Yeah, it's nice for you, but it's a sign that he's over-compensating," they say. "Men who claim they fell in love with you at first sight or pour on the charm immediately are often trying too hard to win you over, hiding the fact that they have no real potential to develop a relationship naturally."
Some other red flags to look for early in the relationship: He gets very cozy on the first date, becoming inappropriately touchy-feely; he's refreshingly talkative, but you realize he actually commands most of the conversation, rarely asking you questions about yourself; or he "futures" you on date one or two, using a sweet phrase like "someday we should drive to the mountains to see the snow" (this indicates lack of authenticity or a desire to sell something).
Dating Skill #2: Reeling in the Good OnesIt's important to ask yourself whether you're unconsciously sending out signals that losers are picking up on. If so, you may need to change your frequency. For instance, most jerks will go after women who they suspect have low confidence and can be easily swayed. To entice motivated, kind, and faithful single men, psych yourself up with positive self-talk before going out. "Research says that if you tell yourself you look alluring in a dress or are having an amazing hair night, you'll have less anxiety and better self-esteem, which will in turn attract confident men who like strong women," Kirschner says.
In terms of location, there isn't one guaranteed place to stake out a good catch. But as cliche as it sounds, philanthropic events tend to attract honest, reliable, and commitment-ready types, according to experts. Or, hang out with your network of friends, family, and coworkers (instead of hoping to meet a random stranger at a bar) because that's how you're likely to connect with good guys who you'll gel with, Kirschner says.
One sign that a guy's a good catch? If he mentions he's close with his family. That means he's more apt to be a stable, loving person who wants to make a commitment, Kirschner says. Another trick to use once you've gone out a few times: Check out his apartment. If he's all about multiple flat screens and toys like video games and a pool table, he could be a player.
Fatal Online Dating Errors That Single Women Make
Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write her profile.
Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.
I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.
So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.
Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:
1. Stop posting four different photos from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.
2. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.
3. List your exact body type. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim."
“He will find out what you look like!”
He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.
4. List your real age. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.
5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.
6. Keep your profile short and to the point. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section.
“All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.”
All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.
7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.
8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.
9. No baby talk! Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.
10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.
11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.
12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.
13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in.
“Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted.”
Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!
14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!
I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!
What are men's fatal online dating errors? See them here
Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.
I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.
So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.
Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:
1. Stop posting four different photos from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.
2. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.
3. List your exact body type. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim."
“He will find out what you look like!”
He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.
4. List your real age. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.
5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.
6. Keep your profile short and to the point. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section.
“All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.”
All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.
7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.
8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.
9. No baby talk! Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.
10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.
11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.
12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.
13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in.
“Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted.”
Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!
14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!
I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!
What are men's fatal online dating errors? See them here
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