Monday, 16 March 2009
Fatal Online Dating Errors That Men Make
Many men feel they can just say anything in an email when they are trying to get a woman to go out with them. If they said those same things to a woman in a bar or on the street, they might get arrested, or at least slapped. But when they're hiding behind the secrecy of their computer, too many men get abrasive and crude.
Here's my list of 10 things NEVER to do when you're online trying to get a woman to go out with you. Some of these are obvious; some you'll swear I'm making up! But all of them are things men actually do.
Top 10 email turnoffs for women
1. Don't ask her how much she weighs or what her measurements are. You might as well just tell her you only want to sleep with her and you have no interest in getting to know her, because that's what she's going to think if you ask her this.
2. Don't email her seven times asking her why she hasn't responded to your first email. Women get far more email than men do, so you need to be patient.
“Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.”
Instead of harassing her, relax and be confident that she's going to respond to you.
3. Don't ask her how many other dates she's been on from Yahoo! Personals. How many other dates someone has been on is not important. What is important is finding out whether the two of you click when you hang out.
4. Don't send her a nasty email if she hasn't responded to you after several emails. It's her prerogative whether or not she desires to be in contact with you. If she doesn't want to meet you, why get angry and nasty? There are plenty of other women out there who you can contact.
5. Don't ask her if she wants to have sex with you on the second email exchange, and don't send her dirty pictures of you. Women are all about connecting with their minds. Just because you're looking for a quick fling, that doesn't mean she's going to respond.
6. If she gives you her phone number, don't wait a week to call her. By extension, if you do wait a week to call her and she doesn't call you back, don't be shocked. Women have many options online. If she gives you her phone number, I suggest calling her that day. It keeps the momentum going.
7. When asking for more pictures, do so without any references to "Can you please send me a picture so I can see your body?"
“Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures”
Ask her if she'd like to exchange more pictures, which means you send some and she sends some. Several women have complained to me that men ask them to send pictures of themselves in bikinis or other such things, so that men can see their body. Men, don't do this!
8. Don't get offended if she doesn't want to talk to you on the phone right away and/or wants to talk to you via email first to get to know you. You need to be flexible and open to her suggestions. Sometimes you may need to email back and forth for a week, and sometimes she'll give you her phone number right away. Either way, don't be rude.
9. Do not email-stalk her. Many of my clients who are single women have complained to me about men who will email them several times a day for three weeks, until they are forced to block emails from those men. Men, she got your email the very first time. She just may have chosen not to open it. By sending emails several times a day, not only are you turning her off, you're freaking her out! You've become an online stalker. That's a guarantee she'll never go out with you.
10. Don't send cut-and-paste emails. When connecting with her for the very first time, don't cut and paste an email message in July that you've been sending out for six months with a tagline that says, "I love the holidays." By doing that, she knows you didn't read her profile - and that you're really, really lazy!
What are women's fatal online dating errors? See them here
Behaviors in Dating That Scare Single Men Away
The truth is there are certain things that women can do that will scare men away. Don't sabotage a potentially great relationship that could have gone somewhere by scaring a man off right at the beginning.
Here are six dating behaviors guaranteed to scare men away:
1. Trash-talking your ex. Don't talk negatively about an ex-boyfriend in front of a guy you're dating. I don't care if you're on your first date or on your 15th date with a guy, don't ever trash-talk your ex. Your ex is somebody you dated, invited into your life, and with whom you spent a lot of time. So don't talk negatively about your ex in any way, because what a guy thinks when you do this is that if he ever becomes your ex that you're going to trash-talk him the same way. So, when a man asks you about your ex, you can politely say, "We are no longer together. It was a great relationship while it lasted, and I learned a lot." That's it.
2. Paranoia runs rampant. Here you are dating a man you really like, and the first couple of weeks are going well. Then, that first boys' night out happens. In the beginning, you send him a text that says, "Have a great time tonight!" As the night progresses, however, seeds of doubt start forming in your mind about what he's doing, and you start to think "Is he cheating on me? Is he flirting with other women? Where is he right now?" So then, you lob another text in to him asking "What's going on? What are you doing right now?" Even though he tells you he's just hanging out with his friends, you proceed to make a major blunder:
“You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away.”
You start checking up on him with continuous texts throughout the night. This paranoia will push a man away. So when you are dating a man and he's out with his friends, respect his "guy time" -- it will make you the cool woman he's always wanted to find.
3. Trash-talking other women. A huge mistake many women make is trash-talking other women in front of the man they're dating. For example, you are out with him when a woman walks by wearing a skimpy short skirt. You say, "Look how promiscuous that woman looks! I can't believe she is going around in public like that!" What you are doing when you make comments like this to a guy you're dating is telling him that you're not confident in the way you look. It tells him that you don't love who you are and haven't embraced your own body. You are planting a seed of doubt in him, causing him to wonder if he he should date someone else who is more confident (and tolerant). Don't trash-talk other women. It makes you look really insecure.
4. Fishing for compliments. This is something that can drive a man crazy. Here is a typical scenario: The guy you're dating looks at you and says, "You really look beautiful tonight!" Ten minutes later, you look at him and ask, "How do I look tonight?" Stop fishing for compliments. Real compliments come from the heart. Allow us to compliment you when we really mean it. If we don't give a compliment at the exact moment you desire it, just accept it and be OK with that.
5. Clingy and possessive. You don't need to do everything together. You're still getting to know him. If there are things he likes to do that simply don't interest you, be cool with it. You don't have to be joined at the hip. If you are going to a cocktail party together, you don't have to be next to him at every moment. If you see him speaking with some woman at the party, do not immediately run over and start grabbing his hand and giving him a big hug -- and certainly don't do this all night long. You are being clingy and possessive when you do this.
6. Pushing friends on him. Avoid pushing friends on us too soon. Example: A woman will hang out with a guy on the first or second date and say to him, "You have to meet my friends Jenna and Amy. You also have to meet my friends Phil and Anne; they're such a great couple, and you'll love them!" A man hears this and thinks, "I don't even know you yet. Can I get to know you for a month or two before I have to go meet all of your friends and be put on display as 'the boyfriend?'" We don't want to be "the boyfriend" right away. It's too much pressure. We want to get to know you slowly and learn what you're all about. Believe me, once we get to know you -- and like you -- we will be more willing to get to know all of your friends.
Following these tips will help you get past the first month of a new relationship with a man and avoid some of the major pitfalls that can end a new relationship before it even starts. Be the confident woman you really are so we have a chance to embrace you. Don't scare us off before we have a chance to get to know you!
Link Between Scent and Seduction
Your perfume pick can make him feel special.
"If you wear a fragrance you know he likes, it demonstrates that you're paying attention to his tastes and making an effort to please him," says Christopher Brosius, perfumer and founder of CB Limited in New York City. The easiest way to find a perfume he likes: Take him shopping with you. If you can't get him to a perfume counter, rip out a whole bunch of scent strips from a magazine and make him smell them one after the other to see which one he likes best. Give him a cup full of coffee grounds to sniff between whiffs to cleanse his olfactory system. Showing you care about his opinion will stroke his ego, and wearing a perfume he loves ensures he'll always want to nuzzle your neck.
His scent can help you decode his personality.
The cologne a guy wears sends a signal about what he's like and how he wants to be perceived by others, so pay attention to it to gain insight into his passions and deepen your connection with him. Psychologist and sociologist Joachim Mensing, PhD, identifies six male personality types and their preferred fragrances. Men who are uncomplicated and enterprising tend to go for fresh citrus, zesty, and herbaceous scents. Reflective loner types prefer warm, spicy, mysterious, Oriental notes. The supersocial spontaneous male likes light, cool, and invigorating scents; while a more reserved and sophisticated man is into warm, natural, woody fragrances. The suave metrosexual types gravitate toward colognes with leather and tobacco in them. Likewise, rugged noncomformist guys like leathery scents too but with a cooler edge.
His fragrance can make you feel first-kiss butterflies even after months of dating.
"Fragrance memories are a wonderful way of building bonds," says psychologist Carol Christensen, PhD, director of sensory and consumer science at International Flavors and Fragrances, Inc., in New York City. "Smelling a scent or elements of one that your boyfriend sported when you first met can flood your mind with memories and make you feel the same delirious way you did back then." If your guy doesn't wear cologne, help him pick one out to start making those memories now. A sure-to- be-sexy suggestion is musk. According to Christensen, women all over the world universally find it to be especially sensual. Some musky colognes we like: Burberry Brit for Men, $62; Jovan Heat Man Fired Up, $8; Spirit by Antonio Banderas, $30, and Kenneth Cole Reaction, $49. But if you're not a fan of musk, try Lauder Beyond Paradise Men, $39, a musk-free scent that's still ultraseductive.
Your scent can stir up your inner sexpot.
Research shows that fragrance can actually make a woman feel more confident and feminine. In a survey of 113 women, psychologist Rachel S. Herz, PhD, found that 90 percent of respondents in their 20s reported that fragrance made them feel more confident. Eighty-three percent of all respondents claimed fragrance made them feel more appealing to others, and a whopping 92 percent said it made them feel more feminine. Perfumer Sarah Horowitz-Thran of Creative Scentualization, a fragrance house in Los Angeles that specializes in custom creations, recommends you carefully select a scent you like instead of choosing something that's currently trendy or a friend's favorite. "Your best fragrance is one that makes you feel good about yourself," she says.
Certain aromas can help him recognize how hot you are.
One whiff of a woman's perfume (any feminine scent) can grab a guy's attention and raise his interest in her. And floral odors — especially rose, lily of the valley, and gardenia — lead men to remember events in an especially positive light, according to a study by the Human Emotions Lab at Rutgers University in Piscataway, New Jersey. So if you wear a scent with one or more of these flowery notes on a date, chances are good that the night will linger in your guy's mind, making him eager to see you again as soon as possible. For nights when you want to be seriously seductive, wear yummy-sweet notes like pumpkin and vanilla. They actually can increase the blood flow to his sexual organs and boost his libido.
Four Things Never to Utter Around Him
Top 10 Relationship Tips
Sunday, 15 March 2009
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